2012.

Hopes, dreams and targets for the coming year are on my mind this closing day of 2011.

This year has been one of progress in a lot of areas of my life, a rich journey in many ways - but also a tough one, especially emotionally.

My hope for 2012 is that I can leave those hardships behind me and focus hardcore on the good things that are abundant in my life, being more thankful to God for giving me the gift of being alive and kicking and for showing me all the possibilities.

I intend on living consciously - with less focus on what has been lost along the way, being constructive and making progress.

I wish the same to all of you. Once again thanks to all those that supported and inspired me this year.
Lets kick some ass in 2012!
Rock Solid.
YES.
♥

It's getting close.

The day where it all ends for my insides is getting closer. I can't wait until I can look back 365 days and not have you in any one of my memories. I genuinely hope you are enjoying your new life, with your new family. I just wish you hadn't tried so passionately to fuck up mine and almost succeed.

All I want for Christmas is,
Me.

The sun will come out tomorrow, and every day after that too.

Tomorrow is the big day! I must say as always bittersweet. Its sweet because you've found someone to complete you. Bitter because it is confirmation that we were a facade and nothing more which is okay. I miss the "idea" of us. You need someone just as needy as you. I am not that person. You need someone who is "devoted" to you. You need someone who thinks that love is best seen as devotion not only emotion. Someone that thinks that true devotion is action.

Devotion:
1. Committed love: deep love and commitment
2. Dedication: great dedication and loyalty
3. Enthusiasm: strong enthusiasm and admiration for somebody or something
4. Religious fervor: fervent religious or spiritual feeling
5. Act of devoting: the act of devoting something or being devoted to a particular purpose

Devotion is believing in someone or something. Devotion is also attachment. So I am happy that you have met someone who is just as attached and miserable as you are; someone that needs to be with someone else in order to feel love, and be happy. It's sad. To a degree I see that at some point I too was devoted to you; which is why I tried so hard to help you. But somewhere between the disrespect and anger I realized that the only person I should be hopelessly devoted to is me. We receive the love that we feel that we deserve.

I deserve better than you. I'm not sure what you deserve, but you must feel like you deserve whatever comes your way. The desperation in you is so evident. You told me yourself so many times that you were sick. You are- and maybe that is why you are marrying her.
My advice to you; Trust No 1

Still hopelessly devoted to,
Me.

The most amazing anonymous note ever:

Good morning my ever so shimmering Star,
On this morning I hope you realize that you are truly blessed. You are a creature of astronomical, wondrous, proportion, you radiate glamor and happiness in those around you. You have an unheard of superfluously strength and more than adequate ambition and determination to achieve and acquire everything you always wanted and more (although this is all just old news to you).
Reach for the moon (because you're already a Star [literally].
Out of this world & Galaxies away,

Anonymous

"Big" Time

After much deliberation, it's time for the Big time. I'm turning the page and closing the book forever. Not quite understanding how but accepting what is. Do I think you lied? Well, yes and no- I think you lived more in the moment than I did. I think you thought more in the "now", and less in the later. I was in the long run of our moments, you were in the moments.
They were powerful moments that I will never forget. They were real while they were happening but they aren't real anymore and now I have to embrace my now instead of wondering how, why and when we got here. I got here , cause really it is just me.

Engaging,
Me- (Now)

Technology.

I did what I said I would never do and I hate myself for doing it. I would have rather cried myself to sleep every night.

You've got mail,
Me.

and the Bittersweetness lingers on...

Dear, Love

The truth is my accomplishments are accompanied by the bittersweet feeling of us and they forever will be. The closer I get to achieving my goals, the less I see you in my life.
The more evident your void becomes, the more I search to fill the emptiness and as the search to fill the void goes on, the more impossible it is to fulfill.

I understand that it is what it is. But, will I be happy to have succeeded and feel accomplished minus the void, or will I be empty when it is all said and done and continue the search to fill it?
No body knows what the future holds they say. I am certain of one thing that the future will never hold for me; us. Because I rather live in the search and linger in the bittersweetness forever then ever be humiliated, hurt and belittled by you.

You'll never know the exquisite pain that lingers, without the bitter the sweet isn't the same.

Forever Bittersweet,
Me.

PS
What a cruel thing to pretend.

Groovy Fact

Everyone was right about you, your family and my logical mind especially. I kick myself in the ass everyday, because I gave you the time of day.


Cry me a river babes.

Staying Fabulous,
Me.

Reality: Lights, Camera, #1 Me! ha ha!

Sew what's next...

Hint: 1911.

Pieces of,
Me.

ilyfe.

I love you’ means that I accept you for the person that you are, and that I do not wish to change you into someone else. It means that I will love you and stand by you even through the worst of times. It means loving you even when you’re in a bad mood, or too tired to do the things I want to do. It means loving you when you’re down, not just when you’re fun to be with. ‘I love you’ means that I know your deepest secrets and do not judge you for them, asking in return that you do not judge me for mine. It means that I care enough to fight for what we have and that I love you enough not to let go. It means thinking of you, dreaming of you, wanting and needing you constantly, and hoping you feel the same way for me.
You never loved me.

Jersey

An interesting turn of events, drinks, fortune cookies, coffee, and Morrissey to end the night.

Life is good.

Trust no 1.

"I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go. Things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right. You believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together."

Marilyn-
Monroe that is...

TBFD's

Finally, after 3 months of ass busting, re-writing, editing and piecing it together it is finished and in the hands of iTunes for distribution! I can't wait until it is available for download!!


Talking the talk and walking the walk,
Me :)

You and Her

Today I found out you have a new girlfriend. I hope you are happy.
and they lived happily ever after, good for you!!

ilyfe<3
Me.

Howl.

If you could only see the beast you've made of me
I held it in but now it seems you've set it running free
Screaming in the dark, I howl when cause were apart
drag my teeth across your chest to taste your beating heart

My fingers claw your skin, try to tear my way in
You are the moon that breaks the night for which I have to howl
My fingers claw your skin, try to tear my way in
You are the moon that breaks the night for which I have to...

Love and Hate...

The truth is that the only love I feel for you, is the love I feel when I hate you.

Is that possible?

Love can become a fertile ground for the emergence of hate. When the intensity and intimacy of love turns sour, hate may be generated. In these circumstances, hate serves as a channel of communication when other paths are blocked, and it functions to preserve the powerful closeness of the relationship, in which both connection and separation are impossible.

Love and hate are distinct rather than opposed experiences: they are similar in certain aspects and dissimilar in others. In light of the complex nature of love and hate, it is plausible that when people describe their relationship as a love-hate relationship, they may be referring to different features of each experience.

The difficulty that arises as a result of feeling hatred and love toward the beloved, not merely at the same instance but also over an extended period, is the difficulty of coping with profound emotional dissonance. Although the presence of mixed emotions is not necessarily puzzling, the presence of different emotions that are both profound and all encompassing, such as love and hate, toward the same person.

I guess hating the one we love is possible from a logical point of view, as it does not necessarily involve a contradiction it entails profound emotional dissonance, which in turn makes it rare.

Mind over Matter.

It's been almost 2 months. I haven't felt this much animosity towards someone in my entire life. This has affected me in so many ways, creatively especially.


It's surprisingly difficult for me to do things since you always find your way into my mind. I still can picture the rose you drew for me and how you thought you could have done better, though it was beautiful.
I miss you, terribly your scars, I miss you.
I miss the way you got mad at me when our plans go through the way you hoped.
I miss your phone calls and crazy text messages.
I don't know why. I shouldn't because you hurt me and you mistreated me- unknowingly I guess, but that doesn't excuse your madness, nor does it make the soreness in my insides away.

I miss our passion though I am convinced it was all false pretense on your part. I miss the way you reassured me that you loved me and cared about me and how I never doubted it. ilyfe, remember?
I never wanted to tell you that I was the jealous type, but I always was.
I never thought you could be my type maybe that's why.

Now I think back about how you said "you weren't the one for me" and I wish I could tell you to your face how right you are. I don't regret the things I'm not proud of doing because I realize that the past is set in stone, and I know "should have" doesn't exist, but I really wish it did exist with you.

You hurt me but I also hurt myself and I continue to hurt myself trying to repress my feelings to get over you and it's working. I was always broken.

In a way, I'm glad this happened to me because for the first time in my life, I truly grasp the concept of love everyday. Some days are harder than others but on most days I remind myself how I wanted to lose hope. I wanted to lose hope because I wanted to protect my feelings and know that I've lost all hope my feelings are more hurt than I ever thought possible and I am becoming a stronger person as a result of this.

You taught me that I needed to be vulnerable sometimes. You also taught me that people don't change and they also aren't always genuine. You taught me that being bare means to really expose your insides and nothing can protect those. You taught me that being guarded means not ever trusting anyone no matter who. You taught me to doubt love.
You told me so many times that you weren't good for me and I never got the chance to thank you.

You've made me so jaded and I know that somehow makes you happy. I know that reading this also makes you happy. You told me once "When you write about me, good or bad it makes me happy because its ME you are writing about"

Every night I go to bed alone, wondering, waiting, hoping, praying, wanting needing, crying, tossing, turning... what for? You.

and you are so not worth what I'm going through. You're a sleepwalker. Day in and day out you live your life like its owed to you, not understanding that it isn't. You let your past get the best of us and I just want you to explain one thing to me: If you loved me, if you were so sure that I was the one then how could you let me walk away? How could you forget us?

I hate you for pretending to love me.
I hate you for pretending that you would do anything for us.
I hate you for forgetting to specify it was only if things were the way you wanted them to be that we would make it.
I hate you for telling me that you wanted to be with me forever.
I hate you for giving me failed hopes.
I hate you for giving me false and elevated expectations.
I hate you for your empty promises.
I hate you for your lies.
I hate you.


Love to hate you,
Me.

Forgive and Forget

I can never forgive you or forget you. So either way I'm dammed. I try to push you out of my mind but I can't. Perhaps because I don't understand how you can be so selfish and emotionally unattached. I miss you so much but I'd rather miss you and never see or hear from you again, then allow you back into my life. What you've done to me, I will never forgive or forget.

Unforgiving,
Me.

Logic.

I fought for us, I fought with everything I had to be with you. Hell I even fought with myself; because everyone, including my better judgment, was telling me that I was going to get my heart broken. But I took a chance with you, I put my heart and my pride on the line- and my judgement won.

Time for me to fly...

When you love someone, you open yourself up to suffering, and that’s the sad truth. Maybe they’ll break your heart, or maybe you’ll break their heart and never be able to look at yourself in the same way. Those are the risks, and that’s the burden. Like wings, they have weight. We feel the weight on our backs but they are the burden that lifts us. Burdens that allow us to fly.

SetbBack

You force me to move forward and no matter how much I need or want to look back-I can't.

Just not that into you...

If you wanted to this relationship work you would have moved mountains to keep me if you really loved me.

"If he’s not calling you to tell you he loves you and wants you back, it should only be because he’s showing up at your new residence to do it in person… if he’s not doing any of that, he may love you, he may miss you, but ultimately, he’s just not that into you. Stop taking his calls and let him know what it’s like to live without you."

— FOR SURE.

Eternally Grateful.

It’s only through a time of suffering when we realize how strong we truly are inside.

Thank you, again.

Why?

Why do you insist on hurting the people who actually gave a fuck about you? You're so shady.

Expecting the worst form you,

Me.

Truly, Madly, Deeply.

Fuck her and enjoy it. You give her butterflies and make her think of Marc Anthony I'm sure. I'm also sure she's just as shallow as your X was or is.



What you'll never ever have again no matter what you do or say,
Me.

PIctures of...

I wonder how many times you've emailed the picture I took of Luci to women who don't give a fuck about you or the meaning behind it.

"Enjoy" everything that came out of your mouth was a lie.

Was, is and will always be,
Me.

Another beautiful sunrise, in your perfectly beautiful life.

I'm so happy that you're moving on in your pretend perfection where you are perfect, where your past is not factor, where you will someday be living in Gables by the Sea, with your perfect housewife, your perfect Fila Brasileiro, your perfect boat, car and bank account. Perfectly imperfect and isn't that what we all are ?

I'm so proud of you for forgetting,
Me

Wise words from my new intern:

"I live in grey motherfucker. So move in or pack your black and white bags"-

New Found glory...

I'm drunk off your kiss for another night in a row<3

Go Ahead

Take beautiful pictures, blog about them, live, love, laugh, be free, be happy, laugh in the face of adversities, be strong, be assertive and know that nothing can ever break you.


From behind the lens,
Me.

At some point.

<3
If you like this post follow me: www.starroman.tumblr.com

Chronic Indecision

The worst part is that after everything I just think you didn't love me enough to say "Fuck you past, I'm not going to let you get the best of me" and for those reasons I believe you are in love with your X who fucked you over, and wished you to fail everyday and probably still does.

That is the irony of life. We take chances, we fall in love and at the end of the day if we are left empty and heartbroken we can count on the mind to say the infamous words " I told you so" -
and the consolation prize is: We all float on.

Modest,
Me.

Could've, Would've, Should've

You could be brilliant, but you're a coward.

Grin,
Me.

That awkward moment when....

You wake up from a dream you're having about someone you're in love with and you're relieved it isn't real and it isn't because anything bad happened to them it's because you're so paranoid that you're back in the vicious cycle.

Love to love you from far away,
Me.

Grow up.

I'm over it. When you are ready to understand yourself and the way you live your life you come find me. I've tried so many times to explain to you that we only have one chance to make it right and you just don't get it. You have this one opportunity to right your wrongs and go out there and make it happen but you choose not to.

You say you love me, well... prove it. Stand up for this love you say you feel so deeply. Because you know what I think? I think your full of it. I think your a poor excuse for a wannabe hopeless romantic that wants to live that happily ever after but doesn't want to fight for it.

I see childish little boy stuck in this manly body, still throwing tantrums and not understanding simple common sense. So feel free to sit on time out until you get it. You need help. You have past issues that are haunting your present. I already dealt with mine. I don't have the energy to deal with yours especially not on a daily basis. So yes, I am walking away. I can be your friend and nothing else. Not because I don't want to be in a relationship with you but because time and time again you prove to me that you are incapable of being in one.

Time is not standing still for you or anyone for that matter. You're going to lose me, and you're going to lose the one woman who has ever genuinely cared about you without a hidden agenda.

So be my guest, and fuck this up. Trust me I expect you to fail at loving me and at making this happen. Because, how can I not expect it when it is what you have done every other time?

Walking away my friend.
Me.

Everything will be different tomorrow...

What I've learned thus far...


Last night I dreamt with an old cassette deck. In the dream, I kept on playing "Linger" by the Cranberries over and over again. It was a Fuji cassette and in red faded ink it said "Elderly Women Behind the Counter in a Small Town." I couldn't help but wonder why it said that on the outside and what was actually on it was "Linger." I didn't understand the message within the message and I will leave it up to you to decipher. But I will tell you this, the mind is vast.

Vast: –adjective
1.
of very great area or extent; immense.

Like the ocean the sky and outer-space.

I don't think we understand its power. I think that we underestimate what we can do with our minds. I don't think we really understand when we so often read things like "thoughts become things"- because when they really do, we actually are left dumbfounded and wondering what happened. If only we would carefully listen to the voice of reasoning. If only we would concentrate in the things that we truly want to accomplish, the things that make us blissfully happy, and the things that we are meant to be doing. Ahh, but that is all too easy. So what do we do? We choose to focus on the things that we don't want to experience because we are so afraid of going through the pain, but what ends up happening?

After carefully thinking about my dream last night, searching the lyrics several times and trying to figure out the message I realize that I too was afraid. I was so afraid of losing you, that in the process I lost myself. But inadvertently something great has come out of the madness. Something bigger than me, something bigger than us, something bigger than I ever imagined my pain could ever be.

I can listen to our favorite song a million times and go over the same scenario in my mind time and time again but eventually hearts and thoughts they fade, fade away.

I've decided to remove all of my love letter posts from this blog after this, my 100th post this year. You know I'm such a fool for you...



Not at all,
Me.

How it feels.

Adverse Hostility.

Wounded but unbreakable,
Me.

Vindicated.

Hope dangles on a string
Like slow spinning redemption
Winding in and winding out
The shine of it has caught my eye

And roped me in
So mesmerizing, so hypnotizing
I am captivated

I am Vindicated *
I am selfish
I am wrong
I am right
I swear I'm right
I swear I knew it all along

And I am flawed
But I am cleaning up so well
I am seeing in me now the things you swore you saw yourself

So clear
Like the diamond in your ring
Cut to mirror your intentions
Over sized and overwhelmed
The shine of which has caught my eye
And rendered me so isolated, so motivated
I am certain now that


So turn
Up the corners of your lips
Part them and feel my finger tips
Trace the moment, fall forever
Defense is paper thin
Just one touch and I'd be in
Too deep now to ever swim against the current
So let me slip away
So let me slip against the current
So let me slip away

Slight hope
It dangles on a string
Like slow spinning redemption.

Dashboard Confessionals.

This will not destroy me.

I may not be okay right now, but this will not destroy me. I keep playing the scene in my mind, it's a surreal crazy thought to even conceive. But, I wish you well.
It could be worse for me, I could be you.


Thankful,
Me.

Actions and Words

Your words + Your actions = Trifling.





Things aren't black and white anymore now they black and blue. You should be so ashamed of yourself.

The Greatest Gift.

My father once told me that love and fear would inspire me. I didn't quite understand what he meant by that. He taught me a lot of things that I didn't understand at the time. I think about those things now and of course with time I have learned the brilliance in his teachings to me as a child.

So in honor of the most important man in my life, here is what he preached:

1. With regard to whatever worries you, not only accept the worst thing that could happen, but make it a point to quantify what the worst thing could be.

2. Measure everything of significance.

3. Never let anyone push you around.

4. Never expect life to be fair. Life isn't fair. You make your own breaks. You'll be doing good if the only meaning fair has to you is something you pay when you get on a bus. (fare)

5. Solve your own problems.

6. Always know exactly what you want and DO NOT settle for anything less.

7. When something good is over, don't cry. When something bad is over, don't cry. Know the difference.

8. The easy choice is NEVER the right choice. **

9. Don't procrastinate or worry about making money, take action and think only about making value.

10. Find your passion and commit to continuing learning.

11. Forgive quickly, Be kind to people, but most importantly be kind to yourself.

12. The glass IS. The glass isn't have full or half empty the glass simply is. Enjoy life as it is.

13. Don't be reckless with anyone's heart and don't put up with anyone who is reckless with yours. Feelings are an important part of life, and everyone's are different.

14. When a man loves you he will respect you. It isn't his job to educate or comment on your life. It is his job to make you feel safe.

15. Be bold and courageous. When you look back on your life, you'll regret the things you didn't do more than the ones you did.

16. Beware of the person who has nothing to lose.

17. Do not trust men that don't keep their word and make you promises. Men don't make promises, they don't need to since they always keep their word.

18. Your choices are half chance. So choose wisely, and know there will always be consequence.

19. Raise the bar consistently everyday and never ever settle for anything but the best and nothing less.

20. When you feel alone listen to the voice of reason and it isn't the voice telling you that you are lonely.

I love my father. I forget sometimes these little lessons that he so carefully thought out to teach me. It is so simple. I may not know a lot of the things I want in life yet. But there is one thing that I will always know no matter what. I don't ever want to disappoint my father.

Forever Daddy's little girl,
Me.

Handling Insults and Maintaining Compassion

One day Buddha was walking through a village. A very angry and rude young man came up and began insulting him. "You have no right teaching others," he shouted. "You are as stupid as everyone else. You are nothing but a fake."

Buddha was not upset by these insults. Instead he asked the young man "Tell me, if you buy a gift for someone, and that person does not take it, to whom does the gift belong?"

The man was surprised to be asked such a strange question and answered, "It would belong to me, because I bought the gift."

The Buddha smiled and said, "That is correct. And it is exactly the same with your anger.

If you become angry with me and I do not get insulted, then the anger falls back on you.

You are then the only one who becomes unhappy, not me. All you have done is hurt yourself."

"If you want to stop hurting yourself, you must get rid of your anger and become loving instead. When you hate others, you yourself become unhappy. But when you love others, everyone is happy."

www.funzug.com

Numb

viciously hurtful and mentally unstable.



-you.

Day 4

Master Cleanse doing some serious ass kicking. Whoa!

-5.
Me.

Game Over.

The only reason we hold back is because we think we have an endless amount of chances or that there will always be one more. As time disappears into the past and life goes on, those chances will run out and you’ll either live with eternal happiness for being brave, or eternal regret for holding back. Take chances, make mistakes. That's how you grow. Pain nourishes your courage. You have to fail in order to practice being brave.
SO what if you are beyond being accepted by the norm? What is normal anyway? Be original. Originality implies that you are bold enough to go beyond what is accepted.


So whats it gonna be?
Me.

Perpetually.

Forever is a long time, but I wouldn't mind spending it by your side.


Evermore,
Me.

It's a bird, it's a plane, it's.....

Motivation:

The force that initiates, guides and maintains goal-oriented behaviors. Motivation is what causes us to act. It is what causes us to take action, whether to grab a snack to reduce hunger or enroll in college to earn a degree.
The forces that lie beneath motivation can be biological, social, emotional or cognitive in nature.

It involves the biological, emotional, social and cognitive forces that activate behavior.
Why do you do things? Motivation.

Ready, Set, Wonder-Woman-
Me

Allergies...

Why am I allergic? Even the simplest things are sometimes a challenge.
Enduring the dander and loving the "Jedi",
Achoooo, Me

What dreams may come.

I washed up on a waterfront filled with the old ship wrecks along the seashore that slowly began disappearing one by one into the salty sea and on to a harbor with a dark city alongside it. I too noticed that the ships were not moving on their on volition, they were being tugged by a beautiful mermaid. A crowd began to gather at this this phenomena. The harbor was misty and the city was unclear and deserted. A strong wind started transcending.

Seeing these ships made me worry. I am not sure why, perhaps it was the black muck that began to stir as the mermaid struggled to make it safely on to the harbor.

The resources at play seemed scant and the situation almost impossible one after the other the wrecks were being pulled to sea and an amazing light bathed the town each time one made it successfully to the harbor.

My amazement grew when I found myself at sea and near some ropes on the attempt to pull the very last ship. It was a pirate ship dark and mysterious. The anchors were tied to its sides and they suddenly came to life with feeling and personality.

I noticed them and they immediately noticed me. It was a strange encounter. I knew that should they jump the ship would then be anchored and moving it near the harbor would be more impossible than it already seemed, for just me.

I was dumbfounded to find that the ropes tied to the anchors were no bigger than shoe laces and at one point a dried broken branch from a nearby tree served as a pin to secure them.

Why was I the conductor of this symphony? I started to tire, and feel weak and before I knew it; the anchors took their leap and I realized that all along they were just waiting for my weaknesses to settle to secure the ship far from the harbor and in the fury of the open sea.

Every time I saw each ship reach the harbor the city lights would shine ever so beautifully. The mist started slowly clearing out. I could see the mermaid from afar wanting to help me with this last ship, but she too was afraid of the anchors- I didn't understand where I stood or how I was able to be so close to this ship and yet so far from the harbor. What I was standing on I could not see and the waves were so much bigger than I was, it was difficult to look down without losing my balance. I was barely clothed and barefoot. Every time the waves would crash against me, I carefully stood up despite the coldness in my chest and the prickling under my feet.

I kept thinking of ways to reach the harbor. I wanted so badly to tug this ship to a safe place. I wanted to befriend the anchors. I felt I had to. I somehow lifted and to my own disbelief I was aboard the pirate ship now and I felt a gentle voice tell me "I know they hurt. How did you get these eggshells at the bottom of your feet? They've been there for so long, this salt will help your wounds fester".
I was confused and disoriented. I felt sick and afraid.

I was tired and distressed by the time I woke up and this was the only one wreck that was left at sea. These emotions I felt in the dream were still with me when I opened my eyes and I found myself safely tangled in bed sheets.

Why do we dream? What purpose do dreams serve? We spend so much dreaming there has to be an explanation and if their isn't then why do we dream? Are the images conveying a message? Are the thoughts and emotions a way of our subconscious mind giving us a signal of whats coming?

Dreams: They can be extraordinarily vivid or very vague. They can be filled with emotion be it fear or joy, frightening images or beautiful scenery. The can be focused and understandable or unclear and confusing.
But the question remains...
Why do we dream?

Carpe Diem

After a long night of impartial thinking, of the truths, and after much calling upon the higher beings to give me the strength to seize the moment of truth; today I find myself at peace, by both principles and reason.
So I can gracefully embrace what life has in store for me.

I'm a bird.

A love like their love: This is what I want.

Loneliness

An unpleasant feeling in which a person experiences a strong sense of emptiness and solitude.
The physical absence of a meaningful person.

Subjectively,
Me.

Distance and Time

Its difficult to take it all in, I know. We may not have that happy ending because true love never ends but letting go is saying I love you.
I love you enough to watch you walk away, because deep down inside I know that is what you want.

We are all afraid of our own reality and our feelings most of all. We talk about how great love is but it isn't always great. Love hurts and feelings are sometimes disturbing. For so long we are taught that pain is evil. But how can we even deal with love if we are afraid to feel pain. Half of love is pain.

The pain is what wakes us up. Why do we try to hide our pain when in reality its very presence is proof that we will be stronger. It all depends on how we carry it. That is what really matters. Pain is feeling. Feelings are a part of who we are. If we hide them then we are letting society destroy our reality.

Stronger than my pain,
Me.

Embrace it.

What the fuck.

Open Scene:

Because my life is like a TV show- I feel like when it is all over and everything is going perfectly I will get the infamous shoulder tap and then I'll hear this deep TV/Radio personality voice tell me "Star Roman, you're on the Truman show."- and right then and there I come to the realization that everything I ever suffered and endured all the obstacles, all the setbacks, all that I've worked so hard to accomplish will somehow be worthless and pure entertainment for others.

End Scene:
Me.

Stars...

This scar is a fleck on my porcelain skin I tried to reach deep but you couldn't get in
Now you're outside of me and you see all the beauty repent on your sin.

There's one thing I want to say, so I'll be brave. You were what I wanted, I gave what I gave.

I'm not sorry I met you.
I'm not sorry it's over.
I'm not sorry there's nothing to save.


For now,
Me

Unbecoming..

I'm not going to take it personally- though it is easier said than done. I have to remember that I can’t control how others act, react or deal with issues. I can only control me and how I react or respond to how I am being treated. Distance and deep breathes because I have to stay true to myself above everything.

Walking away,
Me.

Quality for Reality TV= My Life

Taming the beast.

When you lose your cool people lose respect for you. Whether you are right or wrong, all that is remembered is that you acted irrationally, you yelled and screamed and you lost control over your emotions. People may fear your rage, but they do not respect you as a result of it.

Fear and respect are two different things.

Fear:
a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, whether it is real or imagined; the feeling or condition of being afraid.

Respect:
esteem for or a sense of the worth or excellence of a person, a personal quality or ability, or something considered as a manifestation of a personal quality or ability.

Pointing out the difference,
Me.

The love we deserve...

I deserve the right kind of love. The kind of love that makes me happy. The fantastic love that’s in books and movies. Even if we aren’t together forever, I want to look back and never regret having fallen in love with you.
That’s the kind of love I think we all deserve.

Closer.

I write to give myself the strength I need to accept the things I'm afraid of.

Backwards.

You have come very far, since you've been with me. You are right about that.

The truth shall settle.

Our truth is our individual gift to the world around us. Who are we to deny someone the growth that may be incurred from the truth? Do we really like disrespecting ourselves by not speaking up and speaking out what we know to be true?
Truth requires speaking out from that vulnerable place inside that feels something, then usually edits down into silence and transforms into rage.
The truth takes balls.

So here are mine:

I'm afraid of losing you and I really need you to know that.

I've fallen in love with you.

You give me butterflies.

I feel scared and unworthy of what the future has in store for us.

I like to watch you smoke from the sliding door in the back yard. I enjoy the silence of your silhouette.

I'm afraid that if you know truthfully that I'm not as tough as I look on the outside you'll leave me.

You take my breath away.

I feel disconnected from you at times.

I love the way your skin feels bare and close to mine.

I feel like you talk at me, and not really to me depending on how you feel about the topic of conversation.

I day dream about the day you ask me to marry you.

I don't want the story of your past to become the story of our present.

Every time I see a rose I smile once for you and once for the beauty in it and in you.

It bothers me that you let other people become you and you allow them to separate you from those that you love.

When I look into your eyes, you're insides and mine are in deep conversation.

I don't think you really believe that we are going to make it.

I constantly ask myself how I fell so deeply, so madly and so unexpectedly.

I think that by being with me deep down inside you feel like you are settling cause you know you could do better.

I really do have separation anxiety.

When we say goodbye it always feels like its going to be the last time I'm ever going to see you.

I fear that you have the ability to do what is least expected so I'm kept on my toes and I carefully watch my step.

I tread carefully because I'm afraid that you are able to easily carry on without me.

I'm scared to buy you things because I'm afraid you'll give them back to me one day when you leave me.

I worry that you'll forget me.

I ask myself what will be of me if I become part of your story, part of your past.

When I think about us, I see a series of old Polaroid pictures with captions.

I have nightmares that I'm waking barefoot on a beach full of eggshells instead of sand and in this dream you're on a sailboat and you don't see me or the eggshells.

I think about the things you've said to me when you've been upset. I know you didn't mean them, but the words are heavy and they haven't fully lifted from my insides.

I still think of her.

Sometimes I feel like the more honest I am with you the less you believe in us and the easier it is for you to walk away.

I'm afraid of losing you and I really need you to know my truths.

Setting myself free,
Me.

Past or present what shall it be.

We're all fighting our own demons.

Sometimes I feel like I am chained up in an ally like a stray dog that someone has lost or left behind. Those memories of yesterday continue to drive my life into the ground. Unknowingly I stay chained up in that ally because I don't take the time to grasp that chain in my hands and and pull in each link one by one while I stand sturdy on my own two feet. Instead I hold myself down, and I drown myself in those memories.

I know you don't understand me and deep down inside sometimes I think it is easier for you to walk away and not even try to understand. It is easier to carry on your path without me. It is easier to admit to your insides that you love me, but that I am not the one.
Its a bad feeling for me to know that after all the things you've said there is still a chance that you will change your mind about us.

I look at my face in the mirror sometimes and I can see the days that I’m carrying my past pain into the here and now. I look tired and empty. I feel unloved and uncared for. There is no sparkle in my eyes. Things just don't matter, because I don't matter to myself.

Then there are days when I look in the mirror and I'm unbreakable, and vibrant. On those days, I know that I’m living in the here and now. On those days, I know that I’m not letting my mind carry the past forward into today.

On those days I’m free.


But there isn't consistency in my emotions and it isn't because I don't love you or I'm not sure.

It is because we aren't consistently living in the here and now. Because on the days that we are living in the here and now, on those days, I know that I’m not letting my mind carry the past forward into today. On those days I’m free of the inhibitions of yesterday.


I don't want the inhibitions of our minds to chain me up and leave me in that dark alley. I want to walk gracefully hand and hand with you into the beauty of every moment.

I didn't pray for love to find me. I didn't believe in love or soul mates. I didn't believe in any of that and I don't want to be dependent on someone else to help carry me safely into a life of happily ever after.

So what is today going to be for us both?

Will we walk from our own alley’s and chains and realize that we’re free or will we let our minds carry the past into this day?


One day at a time. One moment at a time. One. That is all we have. Can we make the best of it and perhaps if we take the time to embrace what is, I'll thank my lucky stars for this love, I'll understand you are my soul mate and we will live happily ever after-

Because right now, I'm standing in that alley alone with that chain in my hand and I can see your silhouette from far away standing there looking back at me. You want to rescue me, you want to free me...

But other times what I see is your shadow walking away from me and leaving me in that dark place, scared, alone, tormented, unloved, unwanted chained up and in love with you.
I feel like it is so much easier for you to walk than it is to stay.

Because I know it was so much easier for me to be grounded and inclosed in my walls where no one could hurt me, where love wasn't real- But I allowed myself to be vulnerable again and I let you into my world.

I love you, as much as you love me-
So whats it going to be?

Me.

Love Sonnet XLV By Pablo Neruda

Don’t go far off, not even for a day, because —
because — I don’t know how to say it: a day is long
and I will be waiting for you, as in an empty station
when the trains are parked off somewhere else, asleep.

Don’t leave me, even for an hour, because
then the little drops of anguish will all run together,
the smoke that roams looking for a home will drift
into me, choking my lost heart.

Oh, may your silhouette never dissolve on the beach;
may your eyelids never flutter into the empty distance.
Don’t leave me for a second, my dearest,

because in that moment you’ll have gone so far
I’ll wander hazily over all the earth, asking,
Will you come back? Will you leave me here, dying?

Sensitive Singer

Again. I can't do this to myself anymore. This is it.

Nice Things.

Am I your favorite girl
Am I the reason you are in this world
Is my smile your favorite kind of smile?
Is the way I dress your favorite kind of style?

Can you figure me out
Will you always know what I'm about?
Will you hold my hand when I'm upset
and never forget
The look on my face when we first met.

I wish you knew I have a favorite beauty spot that I love secretly
Cause it is on a hidden bit
That nobody else could see

So, do you loved me
Do you need me
Do you know when I say two sugars,
I actually mean three

Without me will your heart break?
Without me will you be spending the rest of your nights awake?
Without me will you still be able to eat?
Without me will I be the last thing on your mind before you go to sleep?


Awake- Me

The endless goodbye...

So what if we're cheesy? Fuck the world, what do they know about this love?

You are...

The the smell of coffee brewing in the early morning.
The tea cup at the edge of my paper napkin.
The click sound of my all my cameras.
The green light during rush hour traffic.
The last piece of sharp cheddar.
The sun shinning and the crisp air flowing freely.
The snooze button on the alarm clock of my life.
The night sky in my favorite city.
The site of happy people.
The last glass of my Chianti.
The sweet songs playing on the radio.
The scent of patchouli my favorite.
The blanket fresh out the dryer.
The unbalanced rush in my irregular heart beat.
The one I love.

Fade in to,
Me.

Don't let it get the best of you...

Often situations can seem overwhelming. I know you may not know what to do. Talk to me, you know me well, you trust me don't you? Sometimes we have to swallow our pride but most of the time we will feel better.

Learn about yourself. Your likes, your dislikes those are the things that can help you to avoid certain circumstances in the future. Doing the same thing over and over again while expecting a different result is insanity.

We learn from our circumstances this is also how we help others. This is life, we learn as we go along and we are going to be okay.

Como yo te amo...

Te amo con la fuerza del mar y viento, en la distancia y mas con el tiempo, con mi alma y con mi mente, que lo sepa toda la gente.

Te amo como aquel recuerdo, te amo a puro gritos y en silencio, en la noche y la manana es de una forma sobrehumana.

En la alegria y en el llanto, en peligro en la calma, cuando gritas cuando callas
Yo te amo, te amo tanto.

Nadie te amara como yo te amo.

Deeply and many languages loving every bit of you,
Me.

Things left unsaid...

How can I describe to you, my little bird...
How it unites in the beauties of form, color, feeling, song, memory and life.

I would tell you that it is the greatest marvel of all, and I should only be speaking the simple truth. But to put all this into suitable words, I should require a voice far more harmonious than that which is bestowed upon my species - for I am the humble owl that you mocked.

I will not tell you to what degree it is dazzling of a sweet song who as you know, is bittersweet still appreciative.

I am content to delegate duty of watching, listening and admiring, while to myself I reserve the right of loving; he said this may be less attractive to the ear, but it is sweeter to the little bird- caged in my heart.

I love you, I love you. I can not reiterate it too often; I can never express it as much as I feel it.

I recognize it in all that somehow surrounds me.
Love, you are the solar spectrum with the seven luminous colors, but the sun that illuminates, warms, and revives.

This is what you are, and I am the lowly woman that adores you.

and so worth was the exquisite pain-
For without the bitter the now sweet just would never ever be the same.

Nothing is forever no matter how much we try, the trouble with hello is the fear of goodbye.

Hello lover,
Me.

Sweetsweetlovelove

How did you do that? How did you twist and turn my thoughts...

Rolling in the deep.
Me.

Free your words.

We feel them before we say them. Scary.


Feeling the egg shells,
Me.

and for these reasons...

We are who we are for a lot of reasons. Perhaps we'll never know why. But even though we don't have the power to choose where we came from we can still choose where we go. We can still do things and we can still try to feel okay about them.

At this point the only thing that still makes it a part of my life is that I keep thinking about it.

Me.

Tangerine Trees and Marmalade Skies

Bullshit. That's what I think about everything you've ever said to me so far. Everyday you make it more evident that you are incapable of being the one simply because you just don't want to put your part.
Sure, it requires effort but if you can't commit to the well being of yourself for you then how the hell can you be 100% for anyone- especially for me?
As it is my expectations of us are already so high (for me).

No Pressure, you've walked before. I wouldn't be surprised if you walked again.

Following the yellow brick road.
Me.

WHAT IS IT THAT YOU WANT FROM ME?

Tell me what it is that you want? Take a moment to explain to me exactly what you would like for me to do, because to be quite honest with you I'm not sure if I know anymore. Don't toy with me, and my heart because I promise you this: You will not be able to blink your fucking eyes without thinking about how badly you fucked up.

Go ahead,
Me.

Are you?

It's easy to take off your clothes and sleep with someone, people do it all the time.

But opening your soul to someone letting them into your spirit, thoughts, fears, future, hopes, dreams, that is being naked*

Bare,
Me.

A conversation of mind and heart.

Mind: He's annoying.

Heart: He's hilarious.

Mind: He's worlds biggest asshole.

Heart: He makes me race.

Mind: He ruins my day.

Heart: He saves you at the last minute.

Mind: He's driving you crazy, he's out of his mind.

Heart: You hate him, he's everything you want.

In between,
Me.

Sleepless...

Tired of elevated hopes and failed expectations...

Whatever words I say...

The scars of love...

Don't forget me, I begged. I'll remember you said. Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead.

Answers

Not sure they exists, don't know what to do.

Emtpy,
Me.

Shallow.

For someone who would never intentionally hurt me you sure are careless, arrogant, rude, insulting and insensitive. How are those for words?
Perhaps you should look them up in the dictionary to better understand how the things you said offended me and how you can never redeem yourself. You are far beyond stinky mouth. Stinky mouths got nothing on you. Monster mouth is more like it.

You really were a meano all along :(

Me.

The early bird get its.

There is nothing like rising and shinning to inner peace. My meditation was enlightening this morning, despite the fact that I had to quite my thoughts at least 3 times. It feels good to have an insight again. How did I get to this place? It's so strange how bliss can carry us to uncharted territory, and in these places we some how still feel safe even though we are surrounded by the unknown somewhat. The thing is that its a temporary bliss and temporary safety. Sooner than later at least for me, we begin to feel devoid of something and we start searching for our equanimity again. The truth is that it never left us, all along it was there way in the back. Our mind tells us that we should stay in the familiar and we should fear the unknown. But what is the familiar now?
We are one with our mind. Thoughts become things. If we truly want to be the change we see in the world we start with our temple first, our being.
"On the 3rd day (well 2nd day for me) of my journey I am realizing that my body appreciates me a whole lot more than I have appreciated it. Forgive me my sweet temple." (A.L)
I am one with me, alone and steadfast.


Om-
Me.

Naive

How could this be done. your such a smiling sweetheart...

Buh, Bye..

Dear Writers Block,

We all know that it is always all so bittersweet for me... Your farewell could not stay far behind. They say that artist have to feel to create. I can tell you that my most amazing creations were born out of pure misery and heartache. So, I of course agree.
For the last few days, I felt I couldn't write.
Perhaps because I didn't feel... enough.
Now that I have submerged myself into the rabbit hole of madness, (again) I shall write.

It hurts to part ways with you like this.
But there will be a great work of art. In your honor.
Forever the artist,
Me.

Vicarious Occasions

This may read a bit distilled and sterile I'm sorry for that but you've exhausted me.

Demand:
–verb (used with object)
1.
to ask for with proper authority; claim as a right


I wanted to take the time, to explain to you how I feel about demands. Demands have no place and simply will not be quartered by me. I am giving you the benefit of the doubt in hopes that you will read this carefully without ripping it apart trying to find out what I mean by use of certain words or phrases. It is clear and should not be misinterpreted.


Some things just are and we get to choose if we agree with what and how they "are". Its a 2 part thing you see, there is always a compromise involved. I have come this far and it wasn't because I was being demanded or insulted in any way.

I won't sugarcoat anything for anyone but I am still very careful not to hurt the ones I love; because I understand that not everyone thinks and acts like me. In reality, this is no reflection upon you. It is my choice and the manner in which I choose to do things in my life – not yours.
(You shouldn't take offense or read into anything I write too much. It is what it is, plain and simple.)

Insult:
–verb (used with object)
1.
to treat or speak to insolently or with contemptuous rudeness; affront.
2.
to affect as an affront; offend or demean.

As human beings we owe one another esteem or a sense of worth for personal qualities or abilities. We don't get to freely go about bad mouthing others and irresponsibly blurting careless opinions that should clearly be thought out way before thought exits mouth.

I am trying to clean up my life one way or the other and I do not want errant thoughts provoking haphazard words and decisions fueled by thoughts and not necessarily emotions.
What are you doing with your life and the way you live it?
(Take a moment to think about this deeply)

I'm not sure that there can ever be a cooling off period between us. It’s not healthy for you to be the way you are, never mind me in that scenario.
(Don’t read into this. Just simply take a step back and think about your thoughts.)

There has never been a time where things have lingered between us. Things have been crystal clear since day one. I place the blame totally on myself perhaps for not being clear enough though I'm not sure what else I could have said or done. I feel that it wouldn't be thorough enough for you regardless, again never mind me in that scenario.

I also placed the burden upon you to respect me. I say burden because I realize that respect is not something that you often practice or implement in your life on a daily basis.(Perhaps this is why you act how you do)

I don't want there to be any confusion in the future.
I will be respected by everyone that I choose to have in my life. Like I said we have a choice. That is what I choose. When I feel disrespected I retract.

I hope you realize sooner than later that you are alone in this big bad world.

We all are. We are lucky to have ourselves to take refuge in. We have our thoughts, our actions, our feelings- our minds. Nonetheless, we are obligated to learn how to make it and that will require other human beings like ourselves since we do not occupy the planet alone. In that process there will be times where we are misunderstood and we have to cope and try to understand the others that we choose to have in our lives.
(That is called compromise.)

That doesn't mean that anyone is required to understand us. It means that we try to learn. We don't get to do as we please with those that we may not understand. We don't get to bad mouth them and put them down when misunderstandings occur- At that point we combine compromise and respect and this is how we build relationships.
(Please read this paragraph several times- perhaps you should print it and have it with you always)


Take this as you will in order to understand me. I have made a decision; one, that you will not be able to reconcile. Realize that nothing can ever come out of this because I have a drawn a well defined line and I can now move forward from there. You on the other hand, have no lines- no boundaries.
Perhaps that is why it is so easy for you to cross others disrespectfully. They say you should start at the beginning but where is the beginning? You can draw your line and start to move forward whenever you want, you choose. But you have to choose, you have to create that starting point and only then will you begin to move forward.


An apple a day keeps the Doctor away.
Good thing you don't like apples.

Not the Doctor,
Me.

It matters not...

"I am the master of my fate: I am the captain of my soul."

Feels good to be able to own those.

Nothing but love for you,
Me.

Blah, Blah, Blah- or Words?

You should own the words you say, because those words come with a responsibility. When you say hurtful words, those that are blurted out without thinking also come with a responsibility one that you carry like a weight- and you can't simply un-say those. I am far from perfect but, I always own my words because I know at some point I may have to eat them.
Groove is in the heart.

Bon Apetit,
Me.

False pretense...

Misrepresentation of real self, intention, motive, feelings, or ability'.

Fortune cookin it,
Me.

Ahoy Mate's and Soul Mates

There is a unique ability and a fearless nature in the souls ability to explore the infinite depths of its own abyss. It is what allows you to be free and clear of judgement and perception prejudices. This is a trait that very few have. To be compelled, to extrapolate and eviscerate from the clutches of those around you that are only interested in changing what you are.

To me, you are perfect.

Still a little stiff but loving the pixie sticks and science experiments,
Me

A day without shoes.

Ok, so this was pretty difficult for me. I spent the day running errands barefoot. It was a hot sticky morning, and a wet, muddy afternoon- not bad for just one day without shoes.

But for many kids around the world, this is most certainly not the case. Imagine being without shoes everyday- possibly contracting all kinds of soil-transmitted diseases, like hookworms or jiggers. And infections that just get worse when there is no clean water to help wash them away.

I took my shoes off for one day to spread awareness about the importance of a pair of shoes to a child. Do you know how many other people I actually saw without shoes?

None.


Miami: the most populous county in Florida and the ninth-most populous county in the United States with a population of 2,500,625. The 42nd largest city it is the principal, central, and most populous city of the South Florida metropolitan area, the most populous metropolis in the Southeastern United States.
According to the US Census Bureau, Miami's metro area is the seventh most populous in the United States.

Miami is a major center and a leader in finance, commerce, culture, media, entertainment, the arts, and international trade.In 2010, Miami ranked seventh in the United States in terms of finance, commerce, culture, entertainment, fashion, education, and other sectors.

It ranked thirty-third among global cities.

In the past Miami has been ranked as "America's Cleanest City" according to Forbes Magazine for its year-round good air quality, vast green spaces, clean drinking water, clean streets and city-wide recycling programs.

In 2009, in a study of 73 world cities, Miami was ranked as the richest city in the United States and the world's fifth-richest city, in terms of purchasing power.

I don't understand one day without shoes and all these wonderful facts about this city and little if any people took off their shoes.

It's pretty sad that society is so stuck on the self and attached to a reality they have created to their liking. A reality with no regard for others. I had people stare me down like I was some kind of retro hippie just because I wasn't wearing shoes- a lot of which didn't even bother asking me why, despite the fact that I was fully dressed and conducting business.

I wish the rest of the Miami would wake up. Miamians: so many are caught up in the bullshit that others are thinking, so caught up in that South Beach party it up, get wasted stupidity. They are clueless about art, culture, people, lives, countries- they are pretty much clueless about anything that isn't "self".

It’s easy to see how shoes and clean water could go hand-in-hand in preventing diseases. I guess it is also easy to overlook the need of others when your so busy worrying about who you're going to step on with your Jimmy Choos on the way up the corporate ladder.

If you are reading this, you live in Miami and you didn't take off your shoes- Become a little more aware. There's so much more to life than what is going on in only yours.

Hating Miami,
Me.

Terribly In Love...

Have you ever been in-love? It makes you vulnerable, rips open your chest and it makes your heart beat erratically.
This means that someone can get in and make a mess of your insides.


Still so messy on the inside,
Me-

Happy and Full.

I think you are brilliant and wonderful, much more than half the people that I've ever met.

You are:
Smart
Funny
Interesting
Complicated
Moral
Real
and Courteous.

Eat, Sleep, Laugh,
Me.

Shallow.

We are all like wild flowers;
Shocked and hurt by actions but in the end you still gave me more than you took away.

How quick the middle became the end.

Acceptance

Only when I learned to accept defeat and offer the victory I was happy from the inside out.

In the words of Steve Jobs:

"Here's to the crazy ones, the misfits, the rebels, the troublemakers, the round pegs in the square holes... the ones who see things differently -- they're not fond of rules... You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them, but the only thing you can't do is ignore them because they change things... they push the human race forward, and while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius, because the ones who are crazy enough to think that they can change the world, are the ones who actually do."

Here's to me.

There comes a point where we realize that when we accept who and where we are we begin to move forward and steadfast. We begin to actually live.

Accepting the now,
Me.

Insides and Outsides.

What is happening to my insides? Is it that I feel too much or perhaps I feel the wrong ways? My insides and outsides aren't matching up, do anyone's ? I'm only me. But what is "me"-
Is our personality the difference between our insides and outsides?

Stiff on the outside,
Me.

and so it is...

A sense of calmness resides deep inside me. I'm not sure why or what it is. It's just there and it feels so good. An epiphany is underway- I know this.

Allowing,
Me.

Crystal clear isn't it?

My feelings are clear; translucent with different colors, hard, brittle and they will stand up to the effects of wind, rain and sun-Unbreakable.

Because I'm already broken-
Me.

One Hundred and Fifty Seven

Your thoughts are hear and there and that scares me a little. That doesn't mean that I'm unsure that means that I think deep down inside you are unsure. Perhaps it is because you don't understand this love or perhaps it is because you don't understand love in general. Little things that you do and say make me wonder: "What does he really want" Though I don't think you know for yourself...yet.


I'd like to learn these things about you:

What is your favorite color?
What was your favorite song when you were little?
What did you want to be when you were growing up?
What made you happy?
What makes you happy?
Are you happy now?
When is now?
Now?

Will you be able to bite your tongue and let me love you?

I'm unsure sometimes about life. I'm unsure sometimes about love. I'm unsure sometimes about me and the things that I'm working so hard for but there is one thing that I'm never unsure of- my love for you.

and counting,
Me.

Le Petit Oiseau

Dear Love,

Thank you for setting the little bird in my rib cage free, for letting it love you and be loved by you in return. It all becomes meaningful when my little bird is free, free to love you.
You're the one, a little bird told me.

Knowing it-
Me.

No Flash Photography Please...

My days consist of creating, loving, laughing, thinking, day dreaming, looking forward to what the Universe holds.

I'm looking forward to my reality and gazing at the magnificence of life through tears of joy, thoroughly understanding every inch of my climb and its many unexpected setbacks. I've grasped the dazzling perfection of it all - and I'm looking back down at those still climbing, still struggling, still lost and confused, and realizing with absolute certainty that they, too, will reach the top, in just a whisper of time.

I'm excited as I see myself through the looking glass of time...

With you forever,
Me.

Here and There

What is it?

The French Caribbean
Bora- Bora
Craziness
Me
You
See through glass floor on top of the water
The way we were born
Paradise
The wind clashing against our bodies
Swaying to the rhythm of the ocean
<3

Love is.

Without the bitter, the sweet just isn't the same.

My dearest Allie,
I couldn’t sleep last night because I know it’s over between us. I’m not bitter anymore because I know what we had was real. And if in some distant place in the future we see each other in our new lives I will smile at you with joy and remember how we spent a summer beneath the trees learning from each other and growing in love. The best love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach for more and that plants a fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds and that’s what you’ve given me and that’s what I’d hope to give to you forever. I love you; I’ll be seeing you.