Go away!!!!

The Flu has me hostage for 5 days. Ahhh- bedridden and feeling like roadkill!

Cough,
Me.

To Ms from Mrs.

I broke up with the China today.

I set it free for someone else to have their way- with it.
I wrapped the drinking glasses in old news paper and I watched the forks and knives argue about reality and make pretend.
I counted the tea cups and plates we were getting rid of along with the pots and pans and the oven gloves.
All the old doilies and kitchen rags I just threw in some paper bag- named what if.

And yesterday's wine glasses those I kept; I plan on breaking them into a new tomorrow with lots of hope and little sorrow.

I contemplated the day we bought most things, and wondered about and within;
old coffee mugs, and tethered vases, I'm not sure how to hold together what the mind replaces and all the empty spaces inside the cabinets and shelves where memories still hide- the heart erases.
Scents and smells, seasons of sad days, old floury trails and cake mixes, sugary betrayals and quick fixes.
Some things I kept but most I threw out, it was hard to let go of what fit so nicely; could've, should've but not precisely-

I swept up the dust of what use to be out the front door and I watched the pieces of doubt and regret float around less and more.

The little bird inside me is wondering what will be and what we had- both scared and sad.
A little empty in my bitter-sweetness;
To Ms from Mrs.

Seek to express...

Sometimes I feel a little lost. But I prefer being lost then having to depend on anyone else to get me going to where I need to be. That is the thing about being alone; good, bad or in between it is always if nothing else my own.

High Expectations

After having numerous conversations about love and relationships with a lot of different people I realize that a lot of us have had the same experience on more than one occasion. We have had a serious infatuation. We have been in love with the idea of love.

The state of being completely carried away by unreasoned passion. An addictive adoration; an unusual love where one is inspired with an intense but short-lived admiration for someone.

A concept; something imagined. So we fall in love with the idea of a man. If you are like me you fall in love with the highest potential of that idea then you wait perpetually for him to ascend into his awesomeness. During this waiting game you build his ego and turn him into this massive Lion of a man when in reality he still just a baby kitten. You watch him as he becomes a little more your greatest version of him everyday. You watch him go through trials and tribulations, peeks and valleys. And then one day he reaches "his" greatness and you are finally just disappointed.

Your expectation of awesomeness may be too high. Sometimes the end result of his ascending and your expectations never quite measure up.

After having numerous conversations about love and relationships with a lot of different people I realize that a lot of us have had the same experience on more than one occasion.

We are simply in love with the "idea" of love.

Love to love,
Me.

Swift feet on a muddy path.

Cheaters:

Fuck You for cheating on me.
Fuck you for reducing me to one word. This isn't a card game. And who invented the word cheater, anyway? Perhaps someone who thought liar and devastator were way too harsh. The same person who wasn't consistent enough to give their feelings any emotional weight. Fuck you. This isn't about making up a word in a game of scrabble. These are lives; that you go and break- and you are so much worse then a cheater. You killed something and you killed it when it wasn't looking.

Committed,
Me.

#him

This is for you.
You are too hard on yourself. Life does not come with an instruction manual. So what if you are 36? This does not mean your life is over. So what if you made some bad decisions in the past; this is not it. This vortex that you claim to be in is self created. So get out.

If you want it, then get it. Why not? Everyone else does it. So why shouldn't you be able to? The only thing stopping you is yourself and your fear of the unfamiliar for the safety of the known. You rather stay unhappy in the familiar, then risk anything for the change; for the unknown- even being happy. CRAZY!

You have so much going for you that you don't see. You are smart, sexy, funny, (sometimes, lol) quirky, laid back- young. I don't understand what it is that is holding you back, other than your fear.

People fail. Henry Ford didn't build Ford Motors on the first try in fact he failed times before Ford was established. Not every one is Bill Gates. It isn't that hard to figure out though.

You try until you are happy and you don't give up. It isn't going to be easy, it's probably going to be very hard. But then again, the easy choices in life are never the right ones.

Rome,
Me.

Valentine's Day:

Will you be mine?

Sometimes the thrill is in the chase. If you genuinely are in love you will go through extreme measures to prove your love and to teach a lesson. And if you aren't well then you don't have to do anything. Here is the thing though, women are generally waiting to be rescued and men are generally scared.

What sucks about this arrangement is that too often we mistake a lot of things for love like perhaps the "idea" of loving and being loved and we get confused about what love actually is, what it feels like. By that time we are in our 30's and going through some sort of midlife crises, then we say to ourselves is this love or is this a midlife crises?
Hence, there we are- right were we started.

Woman: I want the fairy tale.
Man: I am not Edward Lewis.

We really want to know what it is like to be rescued, but how do we separate genuine from douche bag? It's a difficult task and especially hard on holidays like Valentine's day where its a douche eat douche world.

So in ode to all the douches both women and men, you will not be mine... but hey look at the bright side you'll still have each other.

* Dedicated to my favorite Leo.

Forever the fairytale,
Me.