Jersey

An interesting turn of events, drinks, fortune cookies, coffee, and Morrissey to end the night.

Life is good.

Trust no 1.

"I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go. Things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right. You believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together."

Marilyn-
Monroe that is...

TBFD's

Finally, after 3 months of ass busting, re-writing, editing and piecing it together it is finished and in the hands of iTunes for distribution! I can't wait until it is available for download!!


Talking the talk and walking the walk,
Me :)

You and Her

Today I found out you have a new girlfriend. I hope you are happy.
and they lived happily ever after, good for you!!

ilyfe<3
Me.

Howl.

If you could only see the beast you've made of me
I held it in but now it seems you've set it running free
Screaming in the dark, I howl when cause were apart
drag my teeth across your chest to taste your beating heart

My fingers claw your skin, try to tear my way in
You are the moon that breaks the night for which I have to howl
My fingers claw your skin, try to tear my way in
You are the moon that breaks the night for which I have to...

Love and Hate...

The truth is that the only love I feel for you, is the love I feel when I hate you.

Is that possible?

Love can become a fertile ground for the emergence of hate. When the intensity and intimacy of love turns sour, hate may be generated. In these circumstances, hate serves as a channel of communication when other paths are blocked, and it functions to preserve the powerful closeness of the relationship, in which both connection and separation are impossible.

Love and hate are distinct rather than opposed experiences: they are similar in certain aspects and dissimilar in others. In light of the complex nature of love and hate, it is plausible that when people describe their relationship as a love-hate relationship, they may be referring to different features of each experience.

The difficulty that arises as a result of feeling hatred and love toward the beloved, not merely at the same instance but also over an extended period, is the difficulty of coping with profound emotional dissonance. Although the presence of mixed emotions is not necessarily puzzling, the presence of different emotions that are both profound and all encompassing, such as love and hate, toward the same person.

I guess hating the one we love is possible from a logical point of view, as it does not necessarily involve a contradiction it entails profound emotional dissonance, which in turn makes it rare.

Mind over Matter.

It's been almost 2 months. I haven't felt this much animosity towards someone in my entire life. This has affected me in so many ways, creatively especially.


It's surprisingly difficult for me to do things since you always find your way into my mind. I still can picture the rose you drew for me and how you thought you could have done better, though it was beautiful.
I miss you, terribly your scars, I miss you.
I miss the way you got mad at me when our plans go through the way you hoped.
I miss your phone calls and crazy text messages.
I don't know why. I shouldn't because you hurt me and you mistreated me- unknowingly I guess, but that doesn't excuse your madness, nor does it make the soreness in my insides away.

I miss our passion though I am convinced it was all false pretense on your part. I miss the way you reassured me that you loved me and cared about me and how I never doubted it. ilyfe, remember?
I never wanted to tell you that I was the jealous type, but I always was.
I never thought you could be my type maybe that's why.

Now I think back about how you said "you weren't the one for me" and I wish I could tell you to your face how right you are. I don't regret the things I'm not proud of doing because I realize that the past is set in stone, and I know "should have" doesn't exist, but I really wish it did exist with you.

You hurt me but I also hurt myself and I continue to hurt myself trying to repress my feelings to get over you and it's working. I was always broken.

In a way, I'm glad this happened to me because for the first time in my life, I truly grasp the concept of love everyday. Some days are harder than others but on most days I remind myself how I wanted to lose hope. I wanted to lose hope because I wanted to protect my feelings and know that I've lost all hope my feelings are more hurt than I ever thought possible and I am becoming a stronger person as a result of this.

You taught me that I needed to be vulnerable sometimes. You also taught me that people don't change and they also aren't always genuine. You taught me that being bare means to really expose your insides and nothing can protect those. You taught me that being guarded means not ever trusting anyone no matter who. You taught me to doubt love.
You told me so many times that you weren't good for me and I never got the chance to thank you.

You've made me so jaded and I know that somehow makes you happy. I know that reading this also makes you happy. You told me once "When you write about me, good or bad it makes me happy because its ME you are writing about"

Every night I go to bed alone, wondering, waiting, hoping, praying, wanting needing, crying, tossing, turning... what for? You.

and you are so not worth what I'm going through. You're a sleepwalker. Day in and day out you live your life like its owed to you, not understanding that it isn't. You let your past get the best of us and I just want you to explain one thing to me: If you loved me, if you were so sure that I was the one then how could you let me walk away? How could you forget us?

I hate you for pretending to love me.
I hate you for pretending that you would do anything for us.
I hate you for forgetting to specify it was only if things were the way you wanted them to be that we would make it.
I hate you for telling me that you wanted to be with me forever.
I hate you for giving me failed hopes.
I hate you for giving me false and elevated expectations.
I hate you for your empty promises.
I hate you for your lies.
I hate you.


Love to hate you,
Me.

Forgive and Forget

I can never forgive you or forget you. So either way I'm dammed. I try to push you out of my mind but I can't. Perhaps because I don't understand how you can be so selfish and emotionally unattached. I miss you so much but I'd rather miss you and never see or hear from you again, then allow you back into my life. What you've done to me, I will never forgive or forget.

Unforgiving,
Me.

Logic.

I fought for us, I fought with everything I had to be with you. Hell I even fought with myself; because everyone, including my better judgment, was telling me that I was going to get my heart broken. But I took a chance with you, I put my heart and my pride on the line- and my judgement won.

Time for me to fly...

When you love someone, you open yourself up to suffering, and that’s the sad truth. Maybe they’ll break your heart, or maybe you’ll break their heart and never be able to look at yourself in the same way. Those are the risks, and that’s the burden. Like wings, they have weight. We feel the weight on our backs but they are the burden that lifts us. Burdens that allow us to fly.