Past or present what shall it be.

We're all fighting our own demons.

Sometimes I feel like I am chained up in an ally like a stray dog that someone has lost or left behind. Those memories of yesterday continue to drive my life into the ground. Unknowingly I stay chained up in that ally because I don't take the time to grasp that chain in my hands and and pull in each link one by one while I stand sturdy on my own two feet. Instead I hold myself down, and I drown myself in those memories.

I know you don't understand me and deep down inside sometimes I think it is easier for you to walk away and not even try to understand. It is easier to carry on your path without me. It is easier to admit to your insides that you love me, but that I am not the one.
Its a bad feeling for me to know that after all the things you've said there is still a chance that you will change your mind about us.

I look at my face in the mirror sometimes and I can see the days that I’m carrying my past pain into the here and now. I look tired and empty. I feel unloved and uncared for. There is no sparkle in my eyes. Things just don't matter, because I don't matter to myself.

Then there are days when I look in the mirror and I'm unbreakable, and vibrant. On those days, I know that I’m living in the here and now. On those days, I know that I’m not letting my mind carry the past forward into today.

On those days I’m free.


But there isn't consistency in my emotions and it isn't because I don't love you or I'm not sure.

It is because we aren't consistently living in the here and now. Because on the days that we are living in the here and now, on those days, I know that I’m not letting my mind carry the past forward into today. On those days I’m free of the inhibitions of yesterday.


I don't want the inhibitions of our minds to chain me up and leave me in that dark alley. I want to walk gracefully hand and hand with you into the beauty of every moment.

I didn't pray for love to find me. I didn't believe in love or soul mates. I didn't believe in any of that and I don't want to be dependent on someone else to help carry me safely into a life of happily ever after.

So what is today going to be for us both?

Will we walk from our own alley’s and chains and realize that we’re free or will we let our minds carry the past into this day?


One day at a time. One moment at a time. One. That is all we have. Can we make the best of it and perhaps if we take the time to embrace what is, I'll thank my lucky stars for this love, I'll understand you are my soul mate and we will live happily ever after-

Because right now, I'm standing in that alley alone with that chain in my hand and I can see your silhouette from far away standing there looking back at me. You want to rescue me, you want to free me...

But other times what I see is your shadow walking away from me and leaving me in that dark place, scared, alone, tormented, unloved, unwanted chained up and in love with you.
I feel like it is so much easier for you to walk than it is to stay.

Because I know it was so much easier for me to be grounded and inclosed in my walls where no one could hurt me, where love wasn't real- But I allowed myself to be vulnerable again and I let you into my world.

I love you, as much as you love me-
So whats it going to be?

Me.