The truth shall settle.

Our truth is our individual gift to the world around us. Who are we to deny someone the growth that may be incurred from the truth? Do we really like disrespecting ourselves by not speaking up and speaking out what we know to be true?
Truth requires speaking out from that vulnerable place inside that feels something, then usually edits down into silence and transforms into rage.
The truth takes balls.

So here are mine:

I'm afraid of losing you and I really need you to know that.

I've fallen in love with you.

You give me butterflies.

I feel scared and unworthy of what the future has in store for us.

I like to watch you smoke from the sliding door in the back yard. I enjoy the silence of your silhouette.

I'm afraid that if you know truthfully that I'm not as tough as I look on the outside you'll leave me.

You take my breath away.

I feel disconnected from you at times.

I love the way your skin feels bare and close to mine.

I feel like you talk at me, and not really to me depending on how you feel about the topic of conversation.

I day dream about the day you ask me to marry you.

I don't want the story of your past to become the story of our present.

Every time I see a rose I smile once for you and once for the beauty in it and in you.

It bothers me that you let other people become you and you allow them to separate you from those that you love.

When I look into your eyes, you're insides and mine are in deep conversation.

I don't think you really believe that we are going to make it.

I constantly ask myself how I fell so deeply, so madly and so unexpectedly.

I think that by being with me deep down inside you feel like you are settling cause you know you could do better.

I really do have separation anxiety.

When we say goodbye it always feels like its going to be the last time I'm ever going to see you.

I fear that you have the ability to do what is least expected so I'm kept on my toes and I carefully watch my step.

I tread carefully because I'm afraid that you are able to easily carry on without me.

I'm scared to buy you things because I'm afraid you'll give them back to me one day when you leave me.

I worry that you'll forget me.

I ask myself what will be of me if I become part of your story, part of your past.

When I think about us, I see a series of old Polaroid pictures with captions.

I have nightmares that I'm waking barefoot on a beach full of eggshells instead of sand and in this dream you're on a sailboat and you don't see me or the eggshells.

I think about the things you've said to me when you've been upset. I know you didn't mean them, but the words are heavy and they haven't fully lifted from my insides.

I still think of her.

Sometimes I feel like the more honest I am with you the less you believe in us and the easier it is for you to walk away.

I'm afraid of losing you and I really need you to know my truths.

Setting myself free,
Me.

Past or present what shall it be.

We're all fighting our own demons.

Sometimes I feel like I am chained up in an ally like a stray dog that someone has lost or left behind. Those memories of yesterday continue to drive my life into the ground. Unknowingly I stay chained up in that ally because I don't take the time to grasp that chain in my hands and and pull in each link one by one while I stand sturdy on my own two feet. Instead I hold myself down, and I drown myself in those memories.

I know you don't understand me and deep down inside sometimes I think it is easier for you to walk away and not even try to understand. It is easier to carry on your path without me. It is easier to admit to your insides that you love me, but that I am not the one.
Its a bad feeling for me to know that after all the things you've said there is still a chance that you will change your mind about us.

I look at my face in the mirror sometimes and I can see the days that I’m carrying my past pain into the here and now. I look tired and empty. I feel unloved and uncared for. There is no sparkle in my eyes. Things just don't matter, because I don't matter to myself.

Then there are days when I look in the mirror and I'm unbreakable, and vibrant. On those days, I know that I’m living in the here and now. On those days, I know that I’m not letting my mind carry the past forward into today.

On those days I’m free.


But there isn't consistency in my emotions and it isn't because I don't love you or I'm not sure.

It is because we aren't consistently living in the here and now. Because on the days that we are living in the here and now, on those days, I know that I’m not letting my mind carry the past forward into today. On those days I’m free of the inhibitions of yesterday.


I don't want the inhibitions of our minds to chain me up and leave me in that dark alley. I want to walk gracefully hand and hand with you into the beauty of every moment.

I didn't pray for love to find me. I didn't believe in love or soul mates. I didn't believe in any of that and I don't want to be dependent on someone else to help carry me safely into a life of happily ever after.

So what is today going to be for us both?

Will we walk from our own alley’s and chains and realize that we’re free or will we let our minds carry the past into this day?


One day at a time. One moment at a time. One. That is all we have. Can we make the best of it and perhaps if we take the time to embrace what is, I'll thank my lucky stars for this love, I'll understand you are my soul mate and we will live happily ever after-

Because right now, I'm standing in that alley alone with that chain in my hand and I can see your silhouette from far away standing there looking back at me. You want to rescue me, you want to free me...

But other times what I see is your shadow walking away from me and leaving me in that dark place, scared, alone, tormented, unloved, unwanted chained up and in love with you.
I feel like it is so much easier for you to walk than it is to stay.

Because I know it was so much easier for me to be grounded and inclosed in my walls where no one could hurt me, where love wasn't real- But I allowed myself to be vulnerable again and I let you into my world.

I love you, as much as you love me-
So whats it going to be?

Me.

Love Sonnet XLV By Pablo Neruda

Don’t go far off, not even for a day, because —
because — I don’t know how to say it: a day is long
and I will be waiting for you, as in an empty station
when the trains are parked off somewhere else, asleep.

Don’t leave me, even for an hour, because
then the little drops of anguish will all run together,
the smoke that roams looking for a home will drift
into me, choking my lost heart.

Oh, may your silhouette never dissolve on the beach;
may your eyelids never flutter into the empty distance.
Don’t leave me for a second, my dearest,

because in that moment you’ll have gone so far
I’ll wander hazily over all the earth, asking,
Will you come back? Will you leave me here, dying?

Sensitive Singer

Again. I can't do this to myself anymore. This is it.

Nice Things.

Am I your favorite girl
Am I the reason you are in this world
Is my smile your favorite kind of smile?
Is the way I dress your favorite kind of style?

Can you figure me out
Will you always know what I'm about?
Will you hold my hand when I'm upset
and never forget
The look on my face when we first met.

I wish you knew I have a favorite beauty spot that I love secretly
Cause it is on a hidden bit
That nobody else could see

So, do you loved me
Do you need me
Do you know when I say two sugars,
I actually mean three

Without me will your heart break?
Without me will you be spending the rest of your nights awake?
Without me will you still be able to eat?
Without me will I be the last thing on your mind before you go to sleep?


Awake- Me

The endless goodbye...

So what if we're cheesy? Fuck the world, what do they know about this love?

You are...

The the smell of coffee brewing in the early morning.
The tea cup at the edge of my paper napkin.
The click sound of my all my cameras.
The green light during rush hour traffic.
The last piece of sharp cheddar.
The sun shinning and the crisp air flowing freely.
The snooze button on the alarm clock of my life.
The night sky in my favorite city.
The site of happy people.
The last glass of my Chianti.
The sweet songs playing on the radio.
The scent of patchouli my favorite.
The blanket fresh out the dryer.
The unbalanced rush in my irregular heart beat.
The one I love.

Fade in to,
Me.

Don't let it get the best of you...

Often situations can seem overwhelming. I know you may not know what to do. Talk to me, you know me well, you trust me don't you? Sometimes we have to swallow our pride but most of the time we will feel better.

Learn about yourself. Your likes, your dislikes those are the things that can help you to avoid certain circumstances in the future. Doing the same thing over and over again while expecting a different result is insanity.

We learn from our circumstances this is also how we help others. This is life, we learn as we go along and we are going to be okay.

Como yo te amo...

Te amo con la fuerza del mar y viento, en la distancia y mas con el tiempo, con mi alma y con mi mente, que lo sepa toda la gente.

Te amo como aquel recuerdo, te amo a puro gritos y en silencio, en la noche y la manana es de una forma sobrehumana.

En la alegria y en el llanto, en peligro en la calma, cuando gritas cuando callas
Yo te amo, te amo tanto.

Nadie te amara como yo te amo.

Deeply and many languages loving every bit of you,
Me.

Things left unsaid...

How can I describe to you, my little bird...
How it unites in the beauties of form, color, feeling, song, memory and life.

I would tell you that it is the greatest marvel of all, and I should only be speaking the simple truth. But to put all this into suitable words, I should require a voice far more harmonious than that which is bestowed upon my species - for I am the humble owl that you mocked.

I will not tell you to what degree it is dazzling of a sweet song who as you know, is bittersweet still appreciative.

I am content to delegate duty of watching, listening and admiring, while to myself I reserve the right of loving; he said this may be less attractive to the ear, but it is sweeter to the little bird- caged in my heart.

I love you, I love you. I can not reiterate it too often; I can never express it as much as I feel it.

I recognize it in all that somehow surrounds me.
Love, you are the solar spectrum with the seven luminous colors, but the sun that illuminates, warms, and revives.

This is what you are, and I am the lowly woman that adores you.

and so worth was the exquisite pain-
For without the bitter the now sweet just would never ever be the same.

Nothing is forever no matter how much we try, the trouble with hello is the fear of goodbye.

Hello lover,
Me.

Sweetsweetlovelove

How did you do that? How did you twist and turn my thoughts...

Rolling in the deep.
Me.